People wanna post pics of one of the dead suspects all over, claiming “that’ll show’em.”  Yeah, I remember when we plastered photos of Saddam’s sons blown apart in the rubble from an explosion all over the print and tv media.   Because of that, evildoers the world over vowed never to be like that again, and everyone learned a valuable lesson, and everyone felt instantly vindicated and awesome.  Good times.

Internet bloodlust serves nobody except the “internet tough,” who are slightly more pathetic than the “phony tough.”  Leave the gore to the movie professionals.

U.S. Constitution, Article I, Section 8, Items 15 & 16:  “The Congress shall have Power To… (15) provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions… (16) provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress”

Article II, Section 2: “The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States”

2nd Amendment to the United States Constitution:  “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Okay, so I’m no “Constitutional Lawyer” or anything, but I can read, and have the startling ability to comprehend complex sentences.  Those articles in the Constitution seem to CLEARLY define what a “well regulated Militia” is, and what it’s for.  The 2nd Amendment seems to just guarantee the Militia and its members have a fundamental right to be armed.

So, why is it that nobody ever talks about that part, when extolling the virtues of the 2nd Amendment?  Furthermore, why is it that nobody acknowledges, whilst stockpiling their own personal armories, their complete and total failure to have lived up to the part of the Constitution that explains the Militia is there to serve as an emergency branch of our Armed Forces?

And THAT’S why the Gun Lobby bothers me so much, it’s the manner in which they’ve managed to cherry-pick from the Constitution, mix in some hollow words like “Liberty,” “Tyranny,” and “Freedom” to make catchy slogans, and consistently get anyone who can’t voice their own argument to help those slogans spread like wildfire.  It’s just… cheap, is all.  Really effing cheap. 

And to the people insisting on making the “why don’t we outlaw cars/knives” argument?  Shut up, just shut up.  You know exactly how ignorant you sound and, yet, you still insist on spouting such nonsense.  CARS were created as a means of transportation.  KNIVES were tools long before they were weapons.  What were guns, again?  Look, guns were invented for one reason: to make killing easier.  Anybody who keeps guns that aren’t issued to them for their work keeps them for one of three reasons: 1) they think they’re cool instruments, 2) they love the rush from firing one, or 3) they don’t want to feel powerless in a given situation.  Stop deluding yourselves that it’s something other than that. 

That’s what this inane argument has been over, weapons for detached murder and our feelings of entitlement to have as many as we can get our hands on - without the need to be held accountable. 

I don’t want people to misunderstand my argument as some sort of “anti-gun” stance, because it isn’t.  I like guns just fine, I actually think they’re pretty damn cool.  I’ve just never seen the need to own one.  I’ve had enough of them pointed at me to know I prefer to have little to do with them.  I also understand their ability to make people “phony tough,” and that’s just something I have no use for.

That being said, here’s the “gun control” I want.  Stop people from anonymously buying them, Stop them from getting into the hands of gang members and psychopaths, and Stop letting private organizations neuter the law enforcement bureaus we’ve tasked with protecting us.

So, yeah: if you’re so gung-ho for your guns, get off your butt, and get your state/federally sponsored Militia up and running, and be ready to both take and protect lives when you’re called upon.  Otherwise, your argument is cheap and weak.

From one of my Facebook rants about the trailer for The Wolverine:

I’m not saying the movie’ll suck, just that the trailer didn’t do it for me. Also, the healing factor thing was the only element that stood out, in my opinion. I’ve read nothing about what the story will be (keeping in line with my 2013 pledge to avoid as many early spoilers as humanly possible), but the trailer seemed to insinuate a lost healing factor. That’s why I will preface the following with the words “IF THAT’S ACTUALLY THE CASE”:

If he loses his healing factor at any point - BOOM, instant Adamantium poisoning (just like in the comic or, y’know, life). “Game over, man!” If that happens, and knowing he’s gonna have a minimum of 2 crying scenes, and 2 more emoting scenes, I suggest the movie be rewritten to be about Logan dealing with his impending death, while simultaneously suing the Weapon X program for firing him because he’s a sick mutant. Denzel Washington can reprise his role as attorney Joe Miller, an admitted Mutantphobe who knows little about the realities of Adamantium Poisoning, but decides to represent Logan in the trial after seeing how people discriminate against him. Have our protagonists win after it’s discovered that Nick Fury tried to slander Logan’s name by saying he did shoddy work + the heart-wrenching scene where he has to stand up in front of the entire courtroom to reveal the scars from his poisoning. Then he dies. Market the whole thing as an educational drama, and call it “West Salem.”

One of these days, someone I know and care about will be up for an Academy Award.  On that night, I’ll care just enough to pay attention when that specific award is being announced.  I promise nothing more.

This new flick “21 & Over” seems to be about some kid being cajoled into going out drinking for his 21st birthday - despite having a med school interview the next morning.  Of course, shenanigans ensue.

I can tell where I am in life by my reaction to these types of flicks.  Let’s take a look at the many different J’s feelings on “21 & Over.”

15-year old Jason Todd:

“Oh man, I just KNOW there’ll be some boobs!”

18-year old Jason Todd:

“Heh, I’m sure he’s gonna make it to that interview drunk! Hell, that’s what I’d do!  I’m just glad they showed all those boobs.”

21-year old Jason Todd:

“Oh man, I hope he doesn’t get in trouble before that interview.  Whatever,  I’m TOTALLY gonna out-drink those chumps tonight!”

28-year old Jason Todd:

“I can’t believe he let himself get that effed up off of such cheap drinks.  Hope he doesn’t piss away his shot at med school.  Hm, I wonder if I’m too old for those girls…”

30-year old Jason Todd (YES there’s a difference):

“Maaan, these asses are totally hating on him for tryin’ to get into a good school! You need to check yo’ friends, boy!  And who does this on a weeknight??”

35-year old Jason Todd:

“Maaaaan, Fuck HIM, fuck his fake-ass FRIENDS, fuck that BARTENDER who keeps feedin’ his young ass shots, and fuck his bitch-ass PARENTS for not instilling any common sense in his dumb ass! HEY! I hope your dumb ass NEVER gets into med school; I don’t want you operating on me! Why don’t you just have the party on the damn weekend like normal people? I ain’t wasting my time seeing this! What? BOOBS?!? Man, I got a damn laptop, if I wanna see some damn boobs, I ain’t wastin’ my money on this crap.  No, check that, I’ll see it if you can tell me it ends with his ass workin’ at Wal-Mart, and his parents about to kick him out, ‘cos THAT’S what you get, actin’ so stupid when all you gotta do is make it to one damn interview sober!”

Yeah, and don’t even get me STARTED on “Jack the Giant Killer,” or whatever the hell it’s called…  Dumb ass Hollywood…

Because you’re not.  Sorry to be the one to tell you this but, you’re just not sexy.  And you need to understand that I don’t appreciate hearing Busta Rhymes’ “I Know What You Want,” looking up at the television and, while expecting to see a soulfully gyrating Mariah Carey, being confronted by Pete Weber pointing at his friggin’ crotch!  Know what else?  I lied.  I enjoyed telling you that.

Shame on you, PBA.  Shame on you, ESPN.  Now I can’t look at bowling the same way.  Or Mariah, for that matter (alright, maybe that’s hyperbole).